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FULL MARKS for trying.

A colleague has been monitoring a pirate video website for the past few
months. Openly using a British address, the pirates offer a wide range of
digital video discs, including Star Wars movies that have never been
officially released on DVD. Customers send cash or a cheque and the discs arrive
through the post.

The pirates’ attempt at a legal disclaimer is as entertaining as the movies
they offer: “If you are affiliated with any government, or anti-piracy group or
any other related group or were formally a worker of one you can NOT enter this
website, cannot access any of its files and you cannot view any of the HTML
files. If you enter this site you are violating code 431.322.12 of the Internet
Privacy Act signed by Bill Clinton in 1995 and that means that you can NOT
threaten our ISP or any person(s) or company storing these files, cannot
prosecute any person(s) affiliated with this page which includes family, friends
or individuals who run or enter this web site.”

If only . . .

UNITED AIRLINES cargo planes have imposed a little-known restriction on
flights out of London’s Heathrow Airport. According to the company website, the
following embargo was imposed effective from 12 July last year: “Per cargo
service. Alert 00-104. United will no longer carry primates on their aircraft.
This restriction is for all primates on all aircraft.”

So who, or what, is flying the planes?

TIGHTEN your belts! That’s the message going round the business world in the
current uncertain economic climate. And according to Red Herring
magazine, that’s exactly what some of the world’s leading companies are
doing.

Hewlett-Packard, for example, now has its rubbish collected every other
night, instead of each night, saving the company between $3 million and
$5 million a year. American Airlines has instituted steeper, and
therefore faster, descents for some of its planes—an idea apparently
thought up by a pilot, and involving savings of $500,000 of fuel per
year. But it wasn’t just money that network giant Cisco Systems was thinking of
when it ordered that same-sex employees should share hotel rooms while
travelling to conferences. It was, says Red Herring, “closer
friendships among employees”.

Altogether now: Aaaaaaaaah!

THE MOST infuriating spams are those that claim to be against spamming.

Several readers have written in expressing their annoyance at receiving an
unsolicited e-mail from Mailbox Filter. Entitled “Stop junk e-mail”, it offers a
free trial offer of its “state-of-the-art” e-mail filtering program to
“eliminate spam” and give you “instant relief from all that junk mail”.

Thanks very much, but we’d rather not receive the Mailbox Filter spam in the
first place.

’S the same with junk faxes. “Stand up and join the campaign against junk
faxes,” said an unsolicited fax that reader Mike Greenwood received at work. “We
can register your business fax number with the Fax Preference Service, who will
instruct all fax broadcasters registered with the FPS not to fax you”.

All Greenwood had to do for this service was fax back a form with his details
(oh yeah?) together with a copy of his business letter headed paper (oh yeah?)
and a signature from an authorised member of personnel (oh yeah?) to a premium
number at a cost of £1.50 per minute for an estimated 4 minutes fax
time.

A junk fax that wants to charge you £6 for “help” in solving your “junk
fax nightmare”? Thanks a million.

READER David Pearson is fond of trawling the WoS Science Citation
Index—formerly BIDS—in his idle moments. Occasionally he sets it
challenges. For example, a recent search for titles including the words “sheep”
and “pizza” threw up this paper from the Australian Veterinary Journal
(vol 69): “Presumed ethanol intoxication in sheep dogs fed uncooked pizza
dzܲ.”

Pearson has also been kind enough to tell us two of his favourite chemical
descriptions, which another of his searches (for the use of the word “snot” in
scientific literature) unearthed in the journal Organometallics (vol
15. They are: [(Me(2)Sn)(Me(2)SnO)(Me(2)-SnOT)(HONZO)(ONZO)] and
[(Me(2)Sn)(2)(Me(2)SnO)-(HONZO)(ONZO)(HONZO)].

This same search, incidentally, located something called the “sinonasal
outcome test-16”, otherwise known as SNOT-16, which Pearson found discussed in
Otolaryngology—Head and Neck Surgery (vol 121).

There’s clearly a lot more fun to be had from citation searches than you
might think.

OUR ITEM about the McDonald’s customer care manager called Caroline Careless
(2 June) reminded reader Timothy Bowden of his elementary school days. He had a
classmate there who was born Careless, being the daughter of the eminent
Canadian historian J.M.S. Careless.

This Careless, Bowden adds, took over his mantle of eminence from an earlier
distinguished Canadian historian called George Wrong.

Obviously, when it came to history, neither Careless nor Wrong were often
careless or wrong.

MEANWHILE, our story about the Indian magazine Down-to-Earth’s
blistering denunciation of the US as a “rouge” nation (12 May) reminded reader
Keith Walters of a headline from the Australian creationists’ publication
Prayer News. There they made the surprising allegation that the Australian
Skeptics organisation had been infiltrated by agents of “Stan”.

A BOTTLE of Palacio de la Vega cabernet sauvignon wine has this suggestion on
the label: “This wine should be drunk preferably at a temperature of ±18 degrees C”

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