Hamsters tackle energy crisis
IN A Feedback item on scam conference invitations last year (18 August 2012), marine biologist Phil Clapham told us he got so tired of receiving these that in response he started submitting ridiculous paper titles under his dog’s name, Cleo V Borzoi. Now he tells us about his dog’s “latest triumph”.
Last month, Phil received an email inviting him “to be a Speaker at Forum 4: Ocean Energy, at the 3rd New Energy Forum, which is one of the most crucial parallel meetings of EAFE-2013, during September 26-28, 2013, at Xi’an Qujiang International Conference Center, China.”
Sensing another scam, he replied: “Re: Entitled to be Speaker at New Energy Forum-2013 (September 26-28, China), I would like to submit the following paper:
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‘Borzoi, Cleo V. Harnessing angular kinetic energy from colossal cloned Rodenta: re-envisioning the hamster wheel model in green energy management.’
Please let me know if this is appropriate for the meeting. Thank you.”
We can imagine his pleasure when an email came back from Lydia Liu, one of the organisers:
“I am delighted you [are] interested in our Forum. We have received your speech title. Our committee thinks your research is very interesting and novel. I think there are lots of speakers and experts [who] will [be] interest[ed] in your topic…”
Phil says: “The image of giant hamsters powering a small city was just too good to pass up – for me and, apparently, for the conference committee too.”
Less amusingly, the organisers have since emailed “Dr Borzoi” asking for payment of a $1299 “Registration Fee”.
What a difference a missing hyphen can make. Anthony Brookes has discovered that his local supermarket sells a product labelled ““.
Tested on humans?
TALKING of dogs, reader Butch Dalrymple-Smith tells us that the makers of Yarrah 100 per cent bio-organic dog food are so keen to appeal to green consumers that they claim their product is ““.
“Does this mean that mine is the first dog to try the stuff?” Butch asks. “Or did they test it on humans first before passing it as fit for animal consumption?”
Don’t mention the war
A FRIEND who lives in Belgium was at her bank recently when “a very nervous middle manager” beckoned her into a back room. He showed her a payment slip for science articles she had sold to a UK publication. The publication puts the abbreviated titles of the articles it is paying for on the invoice for easy identification. One said “chemical weapons Syria”, as that was what the article was about. The bank saw this, panicked and stopped the cheque.
Our friend pointed out that the transaction in question did not actually involve Syria, and that if she had been buying chemical weapons from or for anyone she would hardly spell this out in an invoice.
“I’m a journalist,” she said. “I write about this stuff.”
He insisted that she provide copies of the articles to prove her story. She obliged, and the payment has now been released. She is wondering, however, if the bank reported her as a potential terrorist, and whether she should ask the publication’s finance department to use code words in future. Feedback is now trying to think of good ones to suggest for “chemical”, “biological”, “nuclear”, “weapons”, and sadly, for the foreseeable future, “Syria”.
Career change for teachers
WE NOTED last month that an advertising campaign put out by the UK government’s Teaching Agency promotes a teaching career not for its own sake but because it could be a step towards being a manager (4 May). Now the campaign is enlisting the support of professional associations, which seem surprisingly ready to cooperate.
Martin Edwardes forwards a new ad in the series that asks: “How far up the ladder could your physics degree get you in four years?” The answer given is: “If you’re a teacher, all the way to management.” The ad is produced by the Teaching Agency with the support of the Institute of Physics, which adds its name at the bottom.
The institute has been making a great fuss recently about the in UK schools. Feedback finds it odd that this institution should now be giving its support to an advertisement that downgrades the value of teaching as compared with management, and seems to be recommending a career change after teaching for just four years.
Infinitesimally lightweight
FINALLY, the medical supplies that Jeff Pommerville ordered from Farr Labs were “shipped” to him by first-class post via the US Postal Service.
The USPS billing statement that came with the parcel gave the weight in pounds of the item he had ordered, stating that it weighed no less than 0.300000011921 pounds.
“Why do I doubt that the USPS has scales to weigh to this infinitesimally small amount?” Jeff asks.
