It’s not you, it’s them. When it comes to your mood and stress levels at work, your colleagues can play a big part. Here’s what you need to know to lessen the hell that is difficult colleagues.
How to win at work
Make your work work better for you – from dealing with pesky colleagues to taking the perfect break and doing less for more money
We’re not naturally good at work relationships
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Most of us overestimate our ability to work with people we aren’t necessarily that close with. “It’s a bit like driving,” says psychologist at the University of Salford, UK. “We tend to think we’re pretty good.” We often overestimate our own emotional intelligence, for example, failing to realise how we convey ourselves to others. Workplace coaching in small groups to enhance how well we get on can help, says Weinberg.
Deal with your nemesis
In any organisation, there is likely to be at least one person you can’t stand. If possible, simply avoid them, says Weinberg. “If you’re not as exposed to that individual or their negative behaviours so much, that’s one solution.” If that’s impossible, try to talk to them and work out any issues, says at Erasmus University Rotterdam, the Netherlands. “If you can regulate your own and the other’s emotions, talking through your issues will be helpful and result in better performance.”
Face to face is better
If you only collaborate with someone online and never see them, it is much easier to ignore their requests. So if you have remote workers in your team, make sure they come in periodically, says Bakker. “When you have to build trust, it’s often better to work face to face, so you know you can count on each other.”
A good boss is precious
Good managers empower those they oversee by giving them autonomy, involving them in decision-making and sharing strategic information. , having one good boss can overcome the negative impact of another bad boss, improving an employee’s performance across the board. So take any chance you get to work with a good manager, even if they aren’t your full-time boss.
A bad boss is bad for your health
A bad manager doesn’t just make us more miserable: results from 20,000 people in Sweden show that people who didn’t get on with their boss took more sick leave, and during 10 years of follow-up. Move team or workplace if you can and you value your health.
Flattery will get you nowhere
You might think ingratiating yourself with the boss by agreeing with them and doing favours for them will further your career. But such false sincerity takes self-control – which is a limited resource, according to psychologists. One study of employees at a Chinese software company showed that when workers kissed up to the boss, they were , skip meetings or slack off, undermining their efforts to win favour.
Ask yourself for a pay rise first
Before approaching your boss to request that all-important pay rise, you should consider how you would feel if asked the same thing, says at Stanford University, California. “You need to give your employer an incentive to say yes to you,” she says. Frame your request as solving some problem your employer is facing: that you can improve communication between departments if better rewarded, for example. And don’t be scared to ask for more than one thing, whether it is better pay, better technology or flexible working. Even if the company doesn’t have a budget for a pay rise, they could choose to offer something else.
Take-home message: It’s not them… it’s you too
