Wet wipes
culture may have infected us with the belief that a used tissue has value, if the nose emptied into it was a famous one. But what about a plain old nose? Shall we start the bidding at $79.99?
That is what Vaev, a US start-up launched by Oliver Niessen, charges for purportedly used snot rags. Wait, what? The website claims the unusual product (, ew) is for those who want sick days to arrive on a schedule. Simply buy a Vaev tissue, wipe your nose with it, and enjoy being ill at a time and place of your own convenience.
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The website appears to be concept art, or – for once no pun intended – the latest in viral marketing. We aren’t sure how the US Postal Service feels about shipping infectious material, and the shop is out of stock anyway.
Perhaps most crucially, deliberately infecting yourself with one type of cold virus won’t confer any immunity to the hundreds of others out there.
Having said that, we are amused by the odd notion that getting ill on purpose will spare you further illness, by the law of averages. Feedback is now investigating how to protect ourselves from traffic accidents by getting struck by a bus in controlled conditions. After all, the chances of being hit by a bus twice in one’s life must be very slim indeed.
“The perils of automation: “We’ve got some fantastic stories for you today,” our colleague’s news digest read. First up? “At least eight people have been killed by Arctic weather in the US””
Zodiac thriller?
THE UK’s National Trust made an unusual offer to Philip Smith. A stargazing evening in East Sussex invites him to “join members from a local astrological society as they set up their telescopes”.
packing our tarot cards and knucklebones, Feedback checked in with the National Trust. “Whoops,” a spokesperson replied. “We’ll consult our star chart to check the movement of the moon, it must have put our thoughts on an alternate course.”
Time flies?
aged 90 has been stripped of a world record after testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.
Veteran athlete Carl Grove also accepted a public warning from the US Anti-Doping Agency, even though the ADA admitted that it was “more likely than not” that the in his body came from eating contaminated meat – he tested clear the day before.
Trenbolone is fed to cattle to increase muscle growth. Perhaps some four-legged contestants have eyes on next year’s podium?
Sticky situation?
A CONCERNED Elaine Coates writes: “I am not sure that the use of the term ‘in fimo‘ for experiments on faeces is a good idea (19 January). The possibilities for confusion with FIMO, a popular brand of modelling clay, don’t bear thinking about.”
Booze hounds?
PAMPERED pets can be the toast of the town with a bottled “wine” of their own. Despite its name, Pawsecco is “non-alcoholic, non-carbonated and grape-free”.
Spotted by Mark Walker, it promises to raise your pet’s mealtime to a fine dining standard, offering a tasty mix of elderflower, linden blossom and ginseng, expertly blended with “moisture, 99.7%”.
Feedback has ordered a case – a cheeky little 2019 vintage – though we’re still not sure what sort of glass we should serve it in.
Niue News?
so we bid farewell to Trevor, “the world’s loneliest duck”. The mallard arrived on the remote Pacific island of Niue in 2018, and is thought to have been storm-blown from New Zealand 2400 kilometres away.
As the only duck on Niue, he found fame, with the fire department occasionally topping up the pond he called home during dry spells, while also serving as a reference point when giving directions – “turn right at the duck”.
The curse of celebrity struck, though, as Trevor burned bright and died young, mauled by a passing dog. Feedback fully expects a state funeral to be held. In place of flowers, please bring breadcrumbs.
Rocket juice?
THE secret to the perfect cup of coffee is to blast the beans into space, according to a pair of entrepreneurs who plan to do just that. Anders Cavallini and Hatem Alkhafaji believe that beans roasted on Earth get scorched because they fall onto hot surfaces, but this can be avoided in microgravity.
They want to send a capsule containing 300 kilograms of green coffee beans to an altitude of 200 kilometres, so they can be evenly roasted at 200°C during the 20-minute descent.
If they succeed at putting coffee into space, the move could have huge ramifications for philosophy: suddenly, Bertrand Russell’s “celestial teapot”, orbiting the sun and central to a thought experiment about belief in god, seems rather less far-fetched.
Name games
WE AGAIN break our promises and best intentions to bring you some favourable examples of nominative determinism.
A colleague shares his discovery of a retiree of the US National Security Agency’s National Clandestine Service, one John Sipher. We are assuming it isn’t a code name.
And Georgina Kitching lets us know that to flush down the UK’s toilets. “He might be working in the wrong place in the water cycle,” she says.
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