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THERE is a phrase that has entered the political lexicon recently. When a politician does something that looks really incompetent, wannabe analysts will fall over backwards to explain why this is part of a dastardly plan that mere mortals can鈥檛 comprehend. 鈥淴 is playing 5D chess!鈥� they exclaim.

If so, that explains a lot about the state of the world because 5D chess is brain-meltingly hard. I have been playing 5D Chess With Multiverse Time Travel and I am totally confused.

Let鈥檚 start with the basics. A regular chess board is a two-dimensional surface on which pieces are allowed to move forwards and backwards, left and right and diagonally. Technically, chess also has a third dimension, height, but this has no bearing on the game, unless you are playing the variant seen on Star Trek.

Now things get complicated. In 5D Chess, pieces can travel back in time. This movement is broadly governed by the normal rules of chess. For example, pawns are only able to travel to a square immediately in front of them, and one turn back in time, while queens can travel in any direction, as long as the number of turns and the number of squares they move is equal (think of this as being 鈥渄iagonal鈥� in time and space).

OK, now things get really, really complicated. When you send a piece back in time, you can鈥檛 change the past because that would create a paradox. Instead, time travel spawns a new universe running in parallel to the existing one, your own baby multiverse. What鈥檚 more, pieces can jump between universes, giving you the fifth dimension of movement.

鈥淪ince pieces can move in five dimensions, it is possible to put the king in check in the past, or in another universe鈥�

Keeping all this straight is made surprisingly easy by the game鈥檚 clean interface, which lays each turn out on its own board. As time advances each turn, new boards spring up to the right, while multiverse boards are placed above and below the main timeline. Clicking on a piece will show you where in the multiverse you can move it so you don鈥檛 have to remember all the rules.

Actually playing the game, either against a human or an artificial intelligence, is another matter. Since pieces can move in five dimensions (well, four in practice), it is possible to put the king in check deep in the past, or in another universe. That requires you to constantly monitor all possible threats to every king that ever existed, which is too much for my brain to cope with.

I have experimented with a few strategies, none of them optimal, I am sure. First, I tried collecting kings from across the multiverse onto one board, figuring strength in numbers would make it easier to protect them, yet it actually meant the AI could use a knight from another universe to constantly put them in check. In another game, I tried to create an army of queens, but left my forces on the other boards so depleted they were easily overwhelmed.

I am keen to keep playing, however, as 5D Chess can generate incredible moments. In one game, the AI had two kings on one board, and I was manoeuvring to put both in check at once, which would give me victory, as only one piece can move each turn. But before I could, the AI jumped one king just a single turn back in time, scuppering my careful plans. As I regrouped and grew closer to a checkmate, the AI jumped a bishop to almost the start of the timeline, trapping my king 鈥� and winning.

It was no Deep Blue versus Garry Kasparov, but I felt thoroughly trounced.