Daniel Schreiber (Translated by Ben Fergusson)
(Reaktion Books)
鈥淚 never made a conscious decision to live alone,鈥� writes Daniel Schreiber. Yet for much of his adult life, the Berlin-based writer has done just that, not only as a sole resident, but as a single person. The challenges and contours of a life spent largely alone is the subject of Schreiber鈥檚 reflective, elegantly written book 鈥� a bestseller in Germany and recently translated into English.
In eight essays, blending personal narrative and psychology, Schreiber explores contemporary solitude. Can friendship ever rival a romantic relationship for intimacy and support? Is it possible to reconcile independence and connection? How do single people best navigate a world that, despite widespread individualism, is still built for two?
Advertisement
These are timely questions: more people than ever are staying single later in life. The same is true of single-occupancy households, as milestones like marriage, children and home ownership are pushed back or missed for many reasons, some economic and some social.
There is persistent stigma directed at long-term singlehood, but many in this group prefer to be 鈥渦nattached鈥�: for them, it is an improvement on the convention of 2.4 children and a suburban house.
Others, like Schreiber, have mixed feelings, recognising the freedom, autonomy and opportunities for self-realisation in single living as well as the struggles and sacrifices. Chief among the latter, he suggests, may be reconciling the desire for a romantic partner without diminishing or endangering a life that otherwise feels satisfying.
The subject feels underexplored in ways that reflect nuanced reality. As Schreiber notes, research into relationships has focused on partnerships, and there is little on living alone. A recent wave of what he calls 鈥渓ife writing鈥� on connection outside coupledom has tended to become a celebration of friendship.
But as vital as friendships are, for those without partners in particular, there are also limits. No matter how much popular culture assures us that friends will be there for you, the reality is that even the closest platonic bond can struggle to register alongside family and work.
Alone opens as Schreiber, a former serial monogamist, grapples with his closest friend鈥檚 decision to move out of Berlin to bring up her family, and his private, shameful suspicion that 鈥渟omething had gone wrong鈥� for him still to be single.
This gets worse in the covid-19 pandemic, when the strict limits on socialising made it harder to ignore that he was no one鈥檚 priority. (Which of us, in England, wasn鈥檛 subjected to social anxiety by 鈥渢he rule of six鈥�?)
Schreiber writes perceptively of the pain of being 鈥渓eft behind鈥� in love, and of the cumulative effect of routine loneliness and its insidious, stultifying impact on well-being and broader world view. His descriptions of mixed, murky feelings are evocative, moving and often instantly familiar.
Faced with such a gap in research, a less self-assured writer might have leant on tangentially relevant studies, but Schreiber applies psychology and sociology carefully, never rushing to flimsy conclusions or reaching for false connections.
Nor does he exempt himself from his inquiry. As much as he is concerned with society鈥檚 treatment of single people and their place in it, Schreiber also interrogates the part he may have played in his solitude.
A personal journey through loneliness had the potential to be self-pitying, insubstantial, even suffocating, but Schreiber鈥檚 restless, well-read self-reflection elevates Alone. With this thought-provoking, often profound book, he proffers a hand to anyone who may have felt irrevocably, irredeemably alone and says, 鈥渕e, too鈥�.
Elle Hunt is a writer based in聽Norwich,聽UK
